...................Words and thoughts that are mine
Monday, April 12, 2010
We had a great weekend out at Shippensburg University. Josh wrestled in the Western Regional MAWA Tournament, a qualifier for the Eastern Nationals. The top 4 get to go from each Regional , and Josh finished 2nd. Losing a heartbreaker in the finals. I am so glad that for a few hours we could forget about how much stress we are under. Jobless since October , it is wearing us down. We try and keep our heads up, but daily it gets a little harder. Today the Unemployment benefits run out and if Congress does not extend them this week, we may not have any benefits coming in. I start school on May 3, and hopefully can find work in June as soon as I complete my course. I hope this all works out and the extension comes thru. It is hard to think that we could be months away from being homeless, and losing a great deal that we have worked for. I try not to cry, I always try and smile around Josh and I don't want him to feel the stress. I don't know anyone personally that is the same boat , but I know there are many out there. I really hope we can all come thru this, but I know some of us won't. All I do know is I will do everything I can to make sure Josh is ok. He is the best , he is my world. I love him so very very much. I want to see his dreams and hopes come true.
You had a tough time on the mat this weekend and the ride home was pretty quiet. I admit I was very disappointed but I later came to realize that I shouldn’t be and that it is all part of the journey you are taking.
When I watch you on the mat I worry that you are doing battle while unprepared and that I have failed in your preparation. As a parent that is my greatest fear, that you are unprepared to face the challenges that will come before you. I want you to be prepared for your match, but I’ve come to realize that it is the matches themselves that, are in the long run, win or lose, the things that ARE preparing you.
I think that the greatest benefit from wrestling is learning to face challenges and to demand the most from yourself. You learn to fight when you think there is no more fight left within you. You learn to get up after you’ve fallen, time and time again. You learn about sacrifice and about pain. You learn to endure and to overcome. This is what I want for you, not because I wrestled, but because these lessons are the true gifts of this sport. So, those losses today were actually part of this gift, and an important part of the journey.
My dream for you is to not just win championships and fill your room with medals. My dream for you is much greater and I hope you get much more from wrestling. I hope you learn to strive for greatness even if you fail in the attempt. I hope you learn to get up one more time when you think you can’t get up any longer. I hope you learn to not only face your fears, but to stare them down.
Wrestling isn’t about winning. It is about the desire to win. It isn’t about success, but rather the determination to succeed. I want you to succeed as a wrestler, not to win state championships, but I want you to be a successful wrestler so you learn to be all that you can. This sport can help teach you that, if you let it. I look forward to the seasons of our future as you go through these lessons and I’ll be in your corner for each and every one of them. I love you.
It is amazing that I clicked on my blog today, and much to my surprise it has been almost a year since I last blogged. That is about when I started with Facebook, and lost my time to write on my blog. I have to say I miss writing here. It was my place to come and escape for a bit and let my typed words flow. I think today will start a new day in my blogging. Not sure how much I will get to write, but glad to find my old home here again.
It is funny reading about Josh going to War in my last post, since tomorrow we leave again for War @ the Shore. Josh has had another leaps and bounds year in wrestling. He made it to Pa States this year , known as PJWs. He took 4th Place there , and that is amazing for his first trip out there. He wrestled 3 matches on Friday and won them by a Pin in 1:05, 3 - 2 , and 9 - 2 . On Saturday he had his semi final match and lost 6-2 . The boy who beat him won 1st place. He wrestled his next match and won 2-0 , and that put him in the match for 3rd and 4th Place, which he lost in 5 periods. He lost by the flip of the coin.
Things are on a day by day basis right now. It is rough, Kate has been out of work since Oct 1, 2009 and no real hope of anything yet. It is scarey thinking she may not find work. I just closed my online store, due to lack of income. I will start my CNA program on May 3, 2010 and am looking forward to this. We hope we can hold on to our home, it is scarey not knowing if we will be able to keep it. It isn't much , but we have worked hard the past 12 years and would hate to lose it now.
All this uncertainty is very stressful, it isn't good for a relationship I know that. I feel very closed in , I feel I have no "me" time. I am lonely , sad and lost right now. I hate feeling any of these things.
I have to say I am so blessed to have Josh, he is my bright light in my life. I love him more then I ever thought humanly possible. He is my word and I would do anything for him. I am so glad to see him working very hard to be a good boy, a good student and a good wrestler. He is a very amazing little boy.
So no matter what happens, as long as I have him and we can make it thru , everything will be ok.
The next few weeks are going to be a bit crazy, but it is a nice way to take our minds off our worries. This weekend we go to Wildwood NJ for War @ the Shore, then we are off to MAWA Regionals, then to Tenn , for AAU Nationals, where Josh will wrestle for Team PA. It will also be the first time that Grandpa gets to see Josh wrestle live. Josh is very excited. Then we go to OHIO for the Tournament of Champions, where Josh will wrestle for Individual and Team honors.
Josh has entered 2 National Tournaments this year and he has placed in both of them.
He got 2nd at War @ the Shore, National Folkstyle Tournament
and he just placed 3rd at OHIO Tournament of Champions Nationals.
At Ohio , he lost his first match and had to win 7 in a row to come back to 3rd place!!!
He just continues to amaze me with his dedication, determination and just right out love of the sport of wrestling. He is a little warrior at the whole age of 9!
Josh also has been doing wonderful in school, which we really are so very proud of, he brought his Science grade from a B to an A this last marking period, making it 2 A's and 4 B's !! He also improved all his behavior points and has +'s in many areas, which means strength. We are so very very proud of how hard he has been working to be a great student and athlete at the same time.
So we are now on our way to Eastern Nationals this next weekend, where Josh will be competing for the 3rd year in a row. If he keeps wrestling the way he has been, he will hopefully return to the podium.
Below are a few recent pictures I wanted to share. The Dandelions are up and Josh greeted me at the door yesterday morning with a fresh handful. Podium shot @ Ohio The Tournament of Champions Clock for 3rd Place War @ the Shore 2nd Place Trophy Podium Shot from War @ the Shore
This space is always here for me when I want to come and visit. Like when your parents save your room just the way you left it as a kid!!
I don't have that room since my parents are now in Texas instead of Maine, but I have my blog spot!
So life has been busy, life has been great, life has been busy!
I have said more then once lately, how the heck did I do it before when I owned the Scrapbook Store, how did I do that and all that needed to be done here. The answer is I didn't do it! I now realize just how empty I was. I now realize I am so happy I have grown and am now the person I want to be. I am so happy that part of my life is very much over. I hate that person I became, thinking I was living my dream, but in reality I wasn't. I was being selfish, thinking I needed to own a business to be a success. Thinking I needed to be important. When in reality, I love being a Mom, I love volunteering, and I love my little retreat business.
I let myself get wrapped up in the drama of woman, and even created more drama in my life then I would ever want to have ever again. The best part, is once you leave the drama behind, and you leave the emotional vampires behind, you can start to realize just how much it consumed your life. Don't get me wrong, I met some WONDERFUL woman in my time as a store owner, and I cherish those that are still my friends thru all the darkness. I give you alot of credit that you loved me even through the dark part. I was pure ugly! Thank you so much. I regret those that didn't think enough of me to love me anyway. I regret that there is no repair of the friendships that I thought were true. I would love to reconnect with a few people, but I know their hate for me is probably beyond repair. I have come to accept that I may never see them again, but I also always hold out hope that they will contact me and want to meet up at Starbucks. Cause a good cup of coffee and a friend, it doesn't get much better then that.
Something about a rainy day , it always makes me reflect and want to purge and clean something, today it seems to be my soul. It will also be the house too....since that needs my attention too.
Today is today, I am doing great. My online store is doing ok, the economy stinks, as we all know, but scrapbooking is still going on. I hope to be doing more of this very soon. Right now we are so involved in wrestling! Josh has had a wonderful year with six 1st place trophies. He is now in the post season and he is very focused! He has been doing practice 4 nights a week and he wants to get better. I can see his maturity level increasing. He is wanting to learn things and perfect them. He isn't just going thru the motions. It is amazing to watch him. This weekend is Regionals for MAWA, and he has to finish in the top 4 to go on to Eastern Nationals. He has 3 State Champions in his bracket , so it is going to be a tough road. But I know he is very determined and my stomach will churn for him as he trys. I hope his hard work pays off.
So it is Friday, and the weekend is almost here! We have a busy one with wrestling on Saturday and then on Sunday we are going to see Katy Perry in concert and we are very excited. Hope to blog more, when I have something to say , or at least something that is needing to be journaled.
I found facebook....and fell into this big dark hole.
It is a little easier then a blog, it is fun and quick.
Photos uploads are easier, and with everything going on
easier is just the way to go sometimes.
But I know not everyone has facebook, so I am back to catch up.
Waving to Mom, Dad , Sis....if you are still reading!
First it is wrestling season! Nuff said!! Yes the weekends you can find the Stillings in a gym near you, or not so near you. We are travelling PA, NJ, MD, and possibly Ohio this year. Josh also is being looked at by the SEPA team, Southeast PA team, where he would go to National Team events and wrestle for PA , it is very exciting. I haven't even told him yet, We were approached at the last tournament we were at by the director, he has been watching Josh for a while.
I have been still growing the hairs on my head, loving my new looks and having fun with different styles. I like the fun you can have once it is longer. So far so good...I haven't wanted to cut it off yet. Headbands help! Josh went to his first tourney of 2009, he won 1st place in his division! It is a great start to the year. He was very proud and ready to win some more. He was very excited to get back in the practice room and get even better and work hard this week. I love his love for wrestling, I hope his passion stays with him and he becomes all he wants to be. Oh and notice his new singlet, the Bobby Weaver Olympic Singlet, he got for his birthday, and was very proud to do it justice. I have got a new computer...IMAC 24" , it is more then a computer...it is just amazing and I haven't even started to learn everything yet. So I wanted to get a desk, I found this one at Staples today online, for $79 and FREE SHIPPING!!! I am so excited!! It will be here on Friday and hope to put it together. I can't wait to have my home office all set up. Then freeing up my Scrapbooking Studio for Creating! It is going to be a whole new year for creating! So that is about it for today. Josh will be home soon, then it is homework, some dinner, off to practice , home for bed.
I loved that line from yesterday. You could put that in every one's life and finish it the way you need to. For America, it is a big dusting off. It is time to leave the old ways that are not working and find the new way to do things that will work. Yesterday for the first time, I felt that it will be possible to pull this great place we call home out of the ruins. Yesterday was fresh, hopeful, inspiring and just plain beautiful!
I loved the reports that there were Millions of people and not 1 arrest!!! It was a beautiful day.
I loved seeing all the people on T.V. in Washington, people there to witness history, to be a part of history. People there for their great grandparents, people there that believed in the words of MLK, and believed in the dream all these years. What a range of emotion they must have had yesterday.
But what I love most about yesterday, is the HOPE of CHANGE....and yes right now it is still a hope, we have to hope and pray that the President can now put his plan into action and produce the Change we all hope for.
What I didn't like about yesterday, are the comments from people that don't believe in our President, the negative comments , people making fun , people not getting what the big deal is, what all the hype was. How sad that they couldn't put things aside yesterday and actually enjoy the greatness of the day. NEVER has there been so much hype about an incoming president, there is reason for this. I realize that some still need to "see" and have "proof" that there is something to cheer about. But sometimes a little hope and faith goes a long way. I will continue to pray for all of us, and I hope that everyone will have a reason to believe soon.
I want to enjoy yesterday for a very long time.
Anything is possible.
I have shut off comments for today's post. I want to celebrate this day, and I know there are many opinions on this subject, but for today....I want to just celebrate.
"One of the most stringent conditions all angels must meet, other than double-advanced harp playing and skydiving abilities (not necessarily at the same time), is that they must not allow themselves to feel hurt or rejected by the choices made by others, no matter how much they've done for them nor how great their love.